Get your Motor Mouth Runnin'

Commuting a daily distance of 110 round trip miles I get to witness my fair share of lunacy on the road. For the most part I'm spared the hard core road ragers who are willing to put not only their lives on the yellow line but the ganglion of cars surrounding them as well.

I enter the tranquil roadway of Route 202 at approximately 6 AM. Dawn is only beginning to peak over the horizon, a splash of pink on the foggy surface of the Deleware River. Strains of "Ol' Man River" fill my head as I cross over the waterway. Roadway...waterway...route...a way to go...not a cold interstate. Geese fly languidly over my route. Happy motorists wave to one another because sighting another one in this location at this time is so extremely rare. A casual jaunt in the countryside. Less than 10 miles later I'm lurching nearer to civilization and there are increasingly more cars. Those raceway arcade games come to mind. I find myself instinctually jockeying for position. The person in front of me is never going fast enough for my lead foot. I don't consider the police pulling ME over because we're all equally going over the speed limit. Then I find myself free from the gang of cars. "I'm in the lead. I'm ahead of everyone!" I can see their sorry, trailing headlights in my rearview mirror and I chortle to myself. "I'm ahead of everyone...oh, and I bet they want to get ahead of me and take the lead away. I need to go faster." I begin considering the stealthy presence of the police. Now I am in the lead and I am going faster than all of the others. "I need to slow down. I can't afford a speeding ticket. But I can't slow down. Someone will pass me and laugh to themselves that I never deserved to be in the lead. 'He didn't have what it takes to keep going fast enough to stay in the lead like I do.' Well if they're willing to get a speeding ticket then so am I." 65 - 70 - 75. "Oh my god. I'm 20 miles over the speed limit. That equals one hefty fine and a few points on my driving record. It could mean food out of my children's mouths. But I'm in the lead...I'm in the lead...I'm...I'm catching up to that gang of cars in front of me...I'm catching up...I'm...I'm...I'm in back of the gang of cars in front of me...I'm in last place. None of these damn people are going fast enough. Come on, get around the slow poke in the front. Whoever it is, they certainly don't deserve to be there if they're going this slow. If I were in the lead I'd show them how it's done. I'd show 'em."

Life is funny.